In a family with two or more children, it is not uncommon for
parents to pick their favorite. Paying more attention to an infant over a
toddler is reasonable but not so after children have developed their senses and
begin to observe the difference in the way they are treated. ‘TIME’ magazine
had run an article on this ‘How Parents Who Play Favorites Hurt the Entire
Family’ (Link: http://healthland.time.com/2013/02/12/how-parents-who-play-favorites-hurt-the-entire-family/)
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| Image courtesy: Psychology Today |
The favorite child who receives special attention, care and
praises, may not get the special treatment outside their family, so it would increase
their dependency on their parents. On the other side, the one who does not get
attention grows independent of parents but suffers emotional issues and become
less empathetic. ‘Psychology Today’ (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-narcissus-in-all-us/200901/when-parents-play-favorites)
explains how preferring one child over another leads to toxic family
relationships and sibling resentments. It becomes clear that every kid loses when
parents play favorites.
Sigmund Freud (in his book ‘Beyond the Pleasures Principle’) explains
how the experiences in the formative years of personality haunt everyone
throughout their life. An adult would long for what he/she did not have in childhood,
not just materialistic things but the emotional parameters such as care, love
and attention too. A dent in the childhood is not easy to erase and
the cycle of longing would repeat. A solution for this is clear communication,
but all the children may not be able to effectively communicate to reveal what
is going on their mind. So they suffer observing the subtle differences in the
way they are treated while parents may not have wished to make this impact.
In a traditional family, parents share their responsibility
in child upbringing, father takes care of financial needs and mother provides
emotional support. So it appears mothers have a higher share in shaping the
psychology of their kids. Mothers beware, when you favor one children over another,
communicate clearly the rationality behind it. Else, yours will not grow to be a
happy family.
Great topic to write on and i completely agree. In India, favor is given to the boy child normally.
ReplyDeleteI know of a family who would ask his son to eat ice cream and then after he is done, he would pass over the left-over to his sisters...pathetic! And btw, the family is super-rich.
Yes Alok. In many cases it is intentional. I wonder how cruel parents can become sometimes. But for the children, scar would not go away as it is on their mind and they carry the emotional baggage throughout their lives.
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