Live Life, Not Work

This is in the backdrop of significant job cuts by tech majors. Those who have lost jobs are no doubt talented and they were chosen with a rigorous hiring process. But it is business that matters most for those companies letting go their employees now. For companies, it is better to downsize than go bankrupt. So, they asked some of their employees to leave. Some of the employees who got laid off were loyal to their employers, worked for years for them and did not think or do much beyond their job.

Now, it is not easy to find another job as the whole tech industry is seeing a downturn. Most of the tech companies are not hiring if not firing. So those who have lost jobs have to go to another industry where skills and compensation may not match. If they manage to get a job, it could be compromising on many fronts. It is a difficult situation. It leaves them confused and ponder what to do with their lives. While the severance packages given by their employers will help them stay afloat for couple of months, it does not heal the emotional damage.

Roots of this evil could be in our education system. Many High Schools (not PU colleges) prepare their students for entrance exams well in advance. This is when the students do not have any idea what they want to do with their lives. For those who get into prestigious educational institutions, FAANG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google) seem to be their best target. Just like horses with eye blinders they did not get to see the entirety and only when they are slapped with a layoff notice, they begin to introspect.

Whether these employees lived in the valley (in the US) or in Whitefield (in Bangalore), they must adjust to the new realities. When they were working on virtual reality technologies (like AR/VR), they had forgotten the real world around them. Truth is no tech company can offer a job for life. Experience one gets in tech sector may or may not be relevant outside of those companies. If they have burned out of their incomes with a lavish lifestyle (along with junk food), their future is in real trouble. What their employers indirectly told them was, take money as long as you are useful and get lost when the need ends. Now for those who have lost jobs, there is no money on the table.

It all comes to one liner philosophy. Live life, not work. That was basic. We needed jobs to lead our lives and not the other way around. Somewhere in the journey we were brainwashed and began to think work is life and associated our lives with our employers more than needed. We wore T-shirts with company logo, took the backpack which had company’s logo and their business motto. We flashed our business cards unnecessarily. We wore our LinkedIn profiles on our sleeves. Now, the mass layoffs from the wealthiest businesses in the world make us realize we lived illusionary lives, at least to some extent.

Working for our employers till retirement is not a plan we should pursue. If it happens fine but we need to have a backup plan. We need to introspect and like our employers have a business tagline, we also need to find a tagline for each one of us. Our jobs cannot decide our goals or fate of life. They are just our association and a means to life.

You might question me, what qualifies me to write this blog post? I am an employee for the last two decades. Though I have not worked for FAANG companies, but what happens there happens in the company I work for as well. I took time and slowly realized that I was on a treadmill, and I need to get off from it someday. I kept a ceiling on my expenses, started saving and investing the savings. So, there is some financial prudence. I picked up hobbies. And made friends outside of the industry I work for. I am thankful to my employer for keeping me on job and paying me well. But when the need arises to depart, I would do so happily without a second thought or regret. Even if they don’t ask me to leave, I would do a planned exit, before my retirement age (well, at least a decade before I hit 60).

I do not expect all my colleagues to agree with me. Each to his own. But the takeaway for everyone is written on the wall in bold letters. Live life, not work.

ಶ್ರೀ ಭ್ರಮರಾಂಭ ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನ, ಮುಡುಕುತೊರೆ (ಮೈಸೂರು ಜಿಲ್ಲೆ)

'ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾ' + 'ಅರ್ಜುನ' = 'ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನ'
(ಮಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಹೂವಿನಿಂದ ಅರ್ಜುನನಿಂದ ಪೂಜಿಸಿಗೊಂಡ ಶಿವ)

ಮಹಾಭಾರತ ಕಾಲದಲ್ಲಿ, ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಶಿವನ ಪೂಜೆಯನ್ನು 'ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾ' ಹೂವಿನಿಂದ 'ಅರ್ಜುನ' ಮಾಡಿದ್ದರಿಂದ ಈ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನ 'ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನ' ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನವೆಂದೇ ಪ್ರಸಿದ್ಧಿಗೆ ಬಂತು.

 

ಮುರಿದ ತೊರೆ 'ಮುಡುಕುತೊರೆ'

ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಕಾವೇರಿ ನದಿ ಮುರಿದ ತೊರೆಯಂತೆ ಹರಿಯುವುದರಿಂದ, ಈ ಸ್ಥಳಕ್ಕೆ 'ಮುಡುಕುತೊರೆ' ಎಂದು ಹೆಸರು. ಅದು ಸ್ಥಳ ಪುರಾಣ. ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಬೇಸಿಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕಾವೇರಿ ತೊರೆಯಂತೆ ಕಾಣುತ್ತಾಳೆ ಏನೋ? ಆದರೆ ನಾನು ಈಗ ನೋಡುವಾಗ ಕಾವೇರಿ ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಮೈ ತುಂಬಿ ಹರಿಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದಾಳೆ. ಹಾಗೆಯೇ ಸುತ್ತಲಿನ ಪರಿಸರ ಹಸಿರಾಗಿರುವುದು ಮತ್ತು ಹಲವೆಡೆ ದಟ್ಟ ಕಾಡು ಅವಳದೇ ಆಶೀರ್ವಾದ. ಅವಳು ರೈತರಿಗೆ ಭಾಗ್ಯ ದೇವತೆ. ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನಗಳು ಅವಳ ದಡದಲ್ಲಿ. 

೧,೨೦೦ ವರುಷಗಳ ಪರಂಪರೆ

ಸುಮಾರು ಎಂಟನೇ ಶತಮಾನದಲ್ಲಿ, ತಲಕಾಡಿನ ಗಂಗ ರಾಜರಿಂದ ನಿರ್ಮಿಸಲ್ಪಟ್ಟ ಈ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನ ನಂತರ ವಿಜಯನಗರ ಮತ್ತು ಮೈಸೂರು ಅರಸರಿಂದ ಕೂಡ ಆದರಿಸಲ್ಪಿಟ್ಟಿದೆ. ಇಂದಿನ ಕಾಲದ ಪ್ರಜಾಪ್ರಭುತ್ವ ಸರ್ಕಾರಗಳು ಕೂಡ ದೇಣಿಗೆ ನೀಡಿ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನವನ್ನು ಸುಸ್ಥಿತಿಯಲ್ಲಿಟ್ಟಿವೆ. ಅದಕ್ಕೂ ಮಿಗಿಲಾಗಿ ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನನ ಭಕ್ತರು, ಸುತ್ತೂರು ಮಠದ ಗಮನ ಕೂಡ. ಅವೆಲ್ಲವೂ ಸೇರಿ, ಈ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನ ೧,೨೦೦ ವರುಷಗಳ ಕಾಲ ಭಾರತದ ಸಂಸ್ಕೃತಿ, ಪರಂಪರೆಯ ಕುರುಹಾಗಿ ಜನ ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಬೆರೆತು ಹೋಗಿದೆ. 

 

ಶ್ರೀ ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನನ ಉತ್ಸವ ಮೂರ್ತಿ

ನದಿಯ ಪಕ್ಕ ಬೆಟ್ಟ. ಅದರ ಮೇಲೆ ಪತ್ನಿ ಭ್ರಮರಾಂಭೆಯ ಜೊತೆ ವಿರಾಜಮಾನನಾಗಿರುವ ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನನ ದರುಶನಕ್ಕೆ ನೀವು ಕುಟುಂಬದ ಅಥವಾ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರ ಜೊತೆಗೆ ತೆರಳಬಹುದು. ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲ ಮೂಲಕ ಬೆಟ್ಟ ಹತ್ತಬಹುದು. ಇಲ್ಲವೇ ಬೆಟ್ಟದ ಮೇಲ್ಭಾಗದವರೆಗೆ ವಾಹನದಲ್ಲಿ ಚಲಿಸಿ ನಂತರ ಕೆಲವೇ ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲುಗಳನ್ನೇರಿ ಕೂಡ ದರುಶನ ಪಡೆಯಬಹುದು. 

ಮೆಟ್ಟಿಲ ಮೂಲಕ ಬೆಟ್ಟ ಹತ್ತಬಹುದು

ಇಲ್ಲಿಯ ಶಾಂತ ಪರಿಸರದಲ್ಲಿ ದಿನ ಕಳೆಯಬಯಸುವವರಿಗೆ ನದಿಯ ದಡದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು ರೆಸಾರ್ಟ್ ಕೂಡ ಇದೆ. ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೆ ಆಕರ್ಷಣೆಯಾಗಿ ನದಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ತೆಪ್ಪಗಳ ಮತ್ತು ದೋಣಿಗಳ ಸೌಲಭ್ಯ ಇದೆ. ನದಿಯ ಆಚೆ ಕಡೆ ಇರುವುದೇ ತಲಕಾಡು. ತಲಕಾಡಿನ ಪಂಚಲಿಂಗಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಈ ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನವೂ ಒಂದು. ಬೋಟ್ ಸವಾರಿ ರೆಸಾರ್ಟ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಉಳಿದುಕೊಂಡವರಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ. ಅಥವಾ ತಲಕಾಡು ಕಡೆಯಿಂದ ಮುಂಗಡ ಕಾಯ್ದಿರಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಬೇಕು. ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ  ಹೋದವರಿಗೆ ಕಾವೇರಿ ಮಡಿಲಲ್ಲಿ ಕೈ-ಕಾಲಾಡಿಸಿ, ಫೋಟೋ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಅಡ್ಡಿಯೇನಿಲ್ಲ.

ಕಾವೇರಿ ಮಡಿಲಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರೊಂದಿಗೆ

ಸುತ್ತ ಒಂದೆರಡು ಗಂಟೆಗಳ ಪ್ರಯಾಣದಲ್ಲಿ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನಗಳ ಸಮೂಹವೇ ಇದೆ.  ಮಲೆ ಮಹದೇಶ್ವರ ಬೆಟ್ಟ, ಬಿಳಿಗಿರಿ ರಂಗನ ಬೆಟ್ಟ, ನಂಜನಗೂಡು ಶ್ರೀಕಂಠೇಶ್ವರ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನಗಳು ಹತ್ತಿರದ ಹಾದಿ. ದೈವ ಆರಾಧಕರಿಗೆ ಮತ್ತು ಕಾಡು-ಬೆಟ್ಟ ನೋಡಬಯಸುವವರಿಗೆ ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೆ ಹಬ್ಬ ಮತ್ತು ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ತೃಪ್ತಿ. ಶಿವರಾತ್ರಿ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಈ ಶಿವನ ದೇವಸ್ಥಾನಗಳು ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನ ಜನಸಂದಣಿ ಕಾಣುತ್ತವೆ. ಆದರೆ ಲೋಕ ಕಲ್ಯಾಣ ಬಯಸುವ ಭ್ರಮರಾಂಭ-ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾರ್ಜುನರ ದರುಶನಕ್ಕೆ ಹಬ್ಬಗಳ ಹಂಗಿಲ್ಲದೆ ಬರುವ ಜನರಿಗೇನು ಕಡಿಮೆ ಇಲ್ಲ.

ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೆ ಹಬ್ಬ ಮತ್ತು ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ತೃಪ್ತಿ

 

ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿನಿಂದ ಇಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಮದ್ದೂರು-ಮಳವಳ್ಳಿಯ ಮೂಲಕ ತಲುಪಬಹುದು. ಸುಮಾರು ೧೩೦ ಕಿ.ಮೀ. ದೂರದ ಹಾದಿ. ನಂತರದ ಪ್ರಯಾಣಕ್ಕೆ ತಲಕಾಡು ಇಲ್ಲವೇ ೫೦ ಕಿ.ಮೀ. ದೂರದ ಮೈಸೂರಿಗೆ ತೆರಳಬಹುದು. ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿಗೆ ವಾಪಸ್ಸಾಗುವವರು ಗಗನಚುಕ್ಕಿ ಭರಚುಕ್ಕಿ ಜಲಪಾತಗಳನ್ನು ನೋಡಿಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗಬಹುದು. ಆದರೆ ಸಂಜೆ ಐದರ ನಂತರ ಅವುಗಳ ದಾರಿ ಮುಚ್ಚಲಾಗುತ್ತದೆ ಎನ್ನುವುದು ಗಮನದಲ್ಲಿ ಇರಲಿ. 

ಭರಚುಕ್ಕಿ ಜಲಪಾತ

ರೈತ ಮತ್ತವನ ಕುದುರೆ

(ಇದು ಚೀನಾ ದೇಶದ ನೀತಿ ಕಥೆಯೊಂದರ ಭಾವಾನುವಾದ)

ಒಂದಾನೊಂದು ಕಾಲದಲ್ಲಿ ಚೀನಾ ದೇಶದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬ ರೈತನಿದ್ದ. ಅವನ ಕುದುರೆ ಕಳೆದು ಹೋಗಿತ್ತು. ನೆರೆ ಹೊರೆಯವರು ಬಂದು ಆ ರೈತನ ಹತ್ತಿರ 'ಎಷ್ಟು ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಸಂಗತಿ' ಎಂದು ರೈತನಿಗೆ ಹೇಳಿದರು. ರೈತ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ 'ಇರಬಹುದು'.

ಕೆಲ ದಿನಗಳಿಗೆ ಕಳೆದು ಹೋಗಿದ್ದ ಕುದುರೆ ರೈತನ ಹತ್ತಿರ ವಾಪಸ್ಸಾಯಿತು. ಅದರ ಜೊತೆಗೆ ಇನ್ನು ನಾಲ್ಕು ಕಾಡು ಕುದುರೆಗಳು. ನೆರೆ ಹೊರೆಯವರು ರೈತನ ಹತ್ತಿರ ಬಂದು ಹೇಳಿದರು 'ಎಷ್ಟು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಸಂಗತಿ'. ರೈತ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ 'ಇರಬಹುದು'.

ಅದರ ಮರುದಿನ, ರೈತನ ಮಗ ಹೊಸದಾಗಿ ಬಂದು ಕಾಡು ಕುದುರೆಗಳನ್ನು ಪಳಗಿಸಲು ಹೋಗಿ ಕಾಲು ಮುರಿದುಕೊಂಡ. ನೆರೆ ಹೊರೆಯವರು ರೈತನ ಹತ್ತಿರ ಬಂದು ಹೇಳಿದರು 'ಎಷ್ಟು ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಸಂಗತಿ'. ರೈತ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ 'ಇರಬಹುದು'.

ಅದಾಗಿ ಕೆಲ ದಿನಗಳಿಗೆ ಆ ದೇಶದಲ್ಲಿ ಯುದ್ಧ ಆರಂಭವಾಗಿ, ಸೈನ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ ಒತ್ತಾಯದಿಂದ ಭರ್ತಿ ಮಾಡಿ ಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಸೈನ್ಯ ಅಧಿಕಾರಿಗಳು ಬಂದರು. ಅವರು ರೈತನ ಮಗನ ಕಾಲು ಮುರಿದಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ ಅವನನ್ನು ಕರೆದುಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗಲಿಲ್ಲ. ನೆರೆ ಹೊರೆಯವರು ರೈತನ ಹತ್ತಿರ ಬಂದು ಹೇಳಿದರು 'ಎಷ್ಟು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಸಂಗತಿ'. ರೈತ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ 'ಇರಬಹುದು'.

ನೀತಿ: ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಘಟನೆಗಳು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಪರಿಣಾಮಗಳನ್ನು ಬೀರಬಹುದು. ಹಾಗೆಯೆ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಘಟನೆಗಳು ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಪರಿಣಾಮವನ್ನು ಕೂಡ.

Breaking free from a trauma bond

You know somebody disrespects and abuses you. Though it does not seem rational, you keep going back to that person and the abuse cycle continues. That is because you have a bond with him/her. Not a healthy bond but a trauma bond. That creates an urge to go back to the evil person though you don’t like the experiences you will have to face. Any of your logical explanations do not work there. You want to be happy with him/her but cannot as his/her intentions are entirely different from yours. He/she will not miss any opportunity to make you feel worthless and sad. Despite your willingness to leave that person, you are not able to leave as trauma bond makes you go back to that person. How do you break free from this bond?

Knowing that you are trauma bonded to someone is itself a great self-awareness. Way out of this relation is not an easy task and it takes great effort and psychological maturity. But it is not an impossible task either. I am narrating my personal learnings here.

If someone insults you, your natural reaction is to confront that person or avoid him/her. You won’t give him/her another opportunity to mistreat you. But if someone treats you nicely, evoke good feelings, you begin to open up and trust that person. Once you are completely in, that friendly face disappears in your counterpart and the abuser surfaces. You get confused and think that it is one-off situation and show tolerance as you have respect for that person. Soon, he/she appear normal, and the friendly disposition is back. But it does not remain long. In the next phase, abuse becomes even more toxic and deeper. Now you are taken aback. The person you liked is gone. That was abuser in disguise. You keep longing for that good friend of yours and want those good feelings back. You keep going back to him/her only to be mistreated. You are trauma bonded. You have nicer memories but a difficult to digest reality.

Any dependencies on the abuser such as domestic help or financial support are easy to replace with. But it is the validation he/she gave you is the difficult part to replace and makes it hard to leave the abuser. He/she invested time in you in the beginning to understand you thoroughly, see what your motivations are and what moves you. You wanted to feel good about yourself. And your abuser made you feel good in the beginning. That good feeling is what you crave for again and again and you won’t get it from another person as a normal person would not go to extremes in either knowing you or abusing you unlike an abuser. You were attracted to abuser and became a fish caught in the hook. The person who made you feel good is making you feel sad now.

You might ask why the abuser behaves this way. Well, there are plenty of sadists around here and they gain happiness making other people sad. You might think they are smart people to devise such strategies and traps. But they are lazy bums and failed people who could not achieve anything significant in reality. That reality hurts them deeply. To get out of their own mental torture, they find a person who is doing better than them and turn into a failure. That gives them a relief and a self-validation.

We discussed how a normal person gets trapped and the inner working of an abuser. But how do you get out of the trauma bond with the abuser? Now you need to throw out your emotions, shut-off your empathy and invest time to learn about yourself and the abuser also. Why do you need validation from him/her? If you purse hobbies (read, write, sing, paint, travel etc.), you are likely to be happy with yourself and you would not need external validation. Rekindle your hobbies, play with kids or find an older person to spend time with. When you don’t need validation, you are close to winning. If there is an urge to meet your abuser, go for long walk, hit gym, take cold shower. Do everything else than meeting the abuser. If you want to avoid triggers, block that person on your phone and social media. If you are still weak hearted, try to remember the abusive episodes you went through with him/her or watch/listen to abusive recordings if you have any. Toughen up your will power to avoid him/her. It is painful in the beginning but as the dopamine in your brain is starved, urge to meet that person becomes less intense. In few weeks or months depending on how strong your trauma bond was, you won’t feel anything about that person. It is very similar to getting out of a bad habit.

When the abuser begins the next wave of saying good things to you, don’t avoid him/her. Rather smile at him/her and convey the message that you see him through, and you won’t need him/her anymore. Don’t say it through words but through your eyes and body language. The abuser gets the message quickly. He/she won’t care you and would not change for good either. Instead goes on looking for the next victim.

Thank God for sending the abuser into your life and teaching a valuable lesson. I was a happy person before meeting the abuser but less aware. Now I am both happy and aware.

(It took many months for me to get an upper hand over the abuser in my life. I feel good that it happened and now I don’t need external validation about myself. I smile at my abuser and my well-being is unharmed.)