Saturday, November 11, 2023

Shutting down a narcissist

As long as you can tolerate, narcissist in your life want to torture you. They are experts in playing mind games with you. Any way to cope with them will lead to circular arguments and there will be no solution as the narcissist does not want a solution anyway. That is the reason many say leave the narcissists and go no contact.

If you have not done anything wrong, why should you run away? If you do so, you will appear weak and the society thinks you ran away from your responsibilities as they might not know the reality. Even after escaping the narcissist, what is the guarantee that you won't get caught with another narcissist? If so, will you run away again?

It is not you who should be running away anyway. It is supposed to be the other party. I say don't go anywhere. Instead make the narcissist run away from you. How? A three ponged strategy will help you.

1. Complete disengagement with narcissist: Avoid any kind of dependency from the narcissist. Physical needs, money matters, rare kind words all of them. Just stop interacting with him/her completely. Don't give any opportunity for them to directly approach you. If you have children, then keep the matters restricted, have someone in between while interacting.

2. Do what the narcissist told you NOT to do: Do those things exactly what the narcissist restricted you from not doing. Go out and meet your friends. Restart your hobbies. Get into good shape physically. Do things you enjoy. Spend money on things you like. You don't have to please narcissist anymore.

3. Be prepared to fight: The fights could be legal, mind games or physical. Take legal help and have your documents ready in case of a legal fight. If they are playing mind games, ensure narcissists and their flying monkeys get trapped in their own games. If it comes to physical fights, you should be ready to do the maximum damage to your opposite party. I am sorry, all of these will make you an insensitive person but that is the point. Don't just warn them rather be offensive and do some significant damage. Unless you show them that you will give a brutal fight, they won't leave you. Be a nice person in your private life.  But not with narcissists and their supporters. Showing weakness attracts them. Punching them on face, insulting them publicly discourages them.

The first point makes you independent of narcissist. The second ensures you have taken back the control of your life. Third is most important. It will not only discourage the current narcissist. It also ensures new narcissists won't enter your life.

No contact is not an ideal solution all the times. Rather work on your weaknesses and put narcissists in their place. They are unlikely to change but they will stop bothering you and move on to a weaker target. Narcissist was a God send in your life to show your weaknesses. Once you have overcome them, narcissist and psychopaths are not a trouble for you anymore.

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