On The Life Expectancy

If you exclude accidents or wars, life expectancy has been in the range of 40 to 100. There were kings who died naturally in their 40's despite all the healthcare they could afford. Also, those who did home medication living to 100 and beyond.

In the ancient times, cavemen lived to see their 40th birthday at the most. Food was scarce (before agriculture). Fight with animals would mean instant death. If injured, he or she would die in few days as there was no medication like antiseptic, antibiotics available.

Once the human being learnt agriculture, he did not have to struggle for food everyday. And living in societies reduced the conflicts with animals to a greater extent. This dramatically helped the human species lifespan. They began to live longer.

Then  the development of medicines made things even better. It gave further boost to the lifespan.

Now, in today's age, there are two major factors affecting lifespan. Lifestyle & availability of healthcare facilities. 

1. Lifestyle: This is about kind of food we eat, presence or absence of physical exercises, do we sleep enough or not, habits affecting physical or mental health etc. If you take good care of your health, you are expected to live longer and the opposite makes you more vulnerable.

2. Healthcare facilities: Though healthcare facility is present but it is not equally distributed across the world. Many Asian & African villages lack a hospital even today. Even if there is one, it may not be well equipped to serve the needs.

These two factors determine how long one lives. In Japan, average life expectancy is above 80 years. The highest in the world. And in many African countries, the number is below 50. Global average is 71 years. If you happen to live in India, life expectancy is just 2 years lesser than global average, 69 years. And it is gradually getting better. Another populous country, China, has a number in higher 70's (or close to 80).

Well, this is average number. There are always people living above and below this number, influencing the average. If you brush your teeth twice a day, you add two years to the average. If you chew tobacco, you need to subtract couple of years from the average to arrive at your lifespan. Variety of factors affect how long we live.

If you say philosophically, it is not the number of years but the quality of lie lived is more important, well, that is not the subject matter of this article, it would be another blog post.

Focus on yourself; Do not seek revenge on the narcissist

(This post was written as an answer to a question "how to become a nightmare of the narcissist?" on Quora platform. It is posted here to spread awareness on dealing with the narcissism)

First become independent. Avoid any kind of dependency on the narcissist. If you ignore them, focus on yourself and become your best, it will hurt them the most. Focusing on ourselves helps than seeking revenge. We don’t bite dogs for they biting us. If you are convinced, you don’t have to read any further.

If you want some pleasure from becoming narcissist's nightmare, you will have to employ similar tactics that narcissist played on you. You can try the following. Though sadistic, they will work:

1. Do things which the narcissist tells you not to do (for example, if the narcissist prevented you from meeting your friends, you will go on to meet them and ignore all of the tantrums narcissist throwed at you).
2. Ignore all of their threats. If needed, be prepared to fight (legal, physical or mental games).
3. Treat the narcissist like shit. Don’t say it in words rather convey through actions.
4. Challenge the narcissist in public. Demonstrate you are superior to the narcissist.
5. Devalue them without any mercy.
6. Become friends with narcissist’s good friend and worst enemy. If possible, flirt with them to hurt the narcissist severely. When questioned just deny.
7. Don’t accept any accusation from the narcissist. Blindly turn it on them like they did it to you.

List can go on. You can recollect how the narcissist caused you pain and make them feel the same by mirroring their behavior.

But I would still say, just ignore them and move on. That is the ultimate damage you can cause to them. We don’t have to become another narcissist to take revenge on them. Focus on healing. Do what you enjoy. Spend time with those who elevate you.

When you are healed, you don’t want any revenge. You will be rather thankful to the narcissist for cutting open your weaknesses and make you a different and a much tempered person. You will know that focus of your life needs to be you. You won’t need any further validation from another narcissist.

ಬುಲೆಟ್ ಪುರಾಣ

ನಾನು ಚಿಕ್ಕವನಿದ್ದಾಗ (೮೦ ರ ದಶಕದಲ್ಲಿ) ನಮ್ಮೂರು ಮಸ್ಕಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಇದ್ದದ್ದು ಎರಡೇ ಬೈಕ್ ಗಳು. ಒಂದು ಖ್ಯಾತ ವೈದ್ಯರದ್ದು. ಮತ್ತು ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಪೊಲೀಸ್ ಸಬ್ ಇನ್ಸ್ಪೆಕ್ಟರ್ ಅವರದ್ದು. ಎರಡು ಕೂಡ ಬುಲೆಟ್ ಬೈಕ್ ಗಳೇ. ಕಾಲ ಕ್ರಮೇಣ ತರಹೇವಾರಿ ಬೈಕ್ ಗಳು ಬಂದವು. ಎಜ್ಡಿ, ರಾಜದೂತ್, ಮತ್ತು ಜಾವಾ. ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ದಶಕ ಕಳೆಯುವಷ್ಟರಲ್ಲಿ ಹೀರೋ ಹೋಂಡಾ. ಬಜಾಜ್, ಯಮಹಾಗಳು ಬಂದು ಮನೆಗೊಂದು ಬೈಕ್ ಬಂದಾಗಿತ್ತು. ಆದರೆ ನಾನು ಜೀವನದ ಶುರುವಿನಲ್ಲಿ ತಿಳಿದುಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದು ಕಾರ್ ಅಂದರೆ ಅಂಬಾಸಡರ್ ಮತ್ತು ಬೈಕ್ ಅಂದರೆ ಬುಲೆಟ್. ಇದು ಬರೀ ನಮ್ಮೂರಷ್ಟೇ ಅಲ್ಲ. ನಾವು ನೋಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ಕನ್ನಡ ಚಲನ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಕೂಡ ಅವುಗಳೇ ಕಾಣುತ್ತಿದ್ದವು. ನಾಯಕ ಶಂಕರ್ ನಾಗ್ ರಿಂದ ಖಳನಾಯಕ ಸುಧೀರ್ ರವರೆಗೆ ಓಡಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದದ್ದು ಬುಲೆಟ್ ಬೈಕ್ ಗಳೇ.

ಆ ಕಾಲಮಾನದಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ಅನೇಕ ಬೈಕ್ ಕಂಪನಿಗಳು ಮುಚ್ಚಿ ಹೋದವು. ಬುಲೆಟ್ ಕೂಡ ಅದೇ ಹಾದಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ವರ್ಷಗಳ ಕಾಲ ಕಣ್ಮರೆಯಾಗಿತ್ತು. ಆದರೆ ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಪುನರುಜ್ಜೀವನ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿತು. ಕ್ರಮೇಣ ಅದು ತನ್ನ ಬೆಲೆ ಕೂಡ ಹೆಚ್ಚಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಮಾರುಕಟ್ಟೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಹೊಸ ಗ್ರಾಹಕರನ್ನು ಸೆಳೆಯುತ್ತ ಸದ್ದು ಮಾಡತೊಡಗಿತು. ಬದಲಾದ ಪೀಳಿಗೆಗೆ ಹಳೆಯ ಬೈಕ್ ಕೆಲವು ಕಾರಣಗಳಿಂದ ಇಷ್ಟವಾಗತೊಡಗಿತು.

ಬೈಕ್  ಅಂದರೆ ಅಷ್ಟೇನೂ ಹುಚ್ಚು ಇರದಿದ್ದ ನನಗೂ ಕೂಡ ಅದೇಕೋ ಇದನ್ನು ಓಡಿಸುವ ಹುಚ್ಚು ಸೇರತೊಡಗಿತು. ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳಬೇಕೋ, ಬೇಡವೋ ಎನ್ನುವ ಜಿಜ್ಞಾಸೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಹಲವು ತಿಂಗಳುಗಳು ಕಳೆದು ಹೋದವು. ಕೊನೆಗೆ ದುಡ್ಡು ಜೋಡಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಬೈಕ್ ಏರಿದ್ದಾಯಿತು. ಆ ಸಂತೋಷ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಜೊತೆ ಹಂಚಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವ ಸಲುವಾಗಿ ಇದನ್ನು ಬರೆದದ್ದಾಯಿತು.

Shutting down a narcissist

As long as you can tolerate, narcissist in your life want to torture you. They are experts in playing mind games with you. Any way to cope with them will lead to circular arguments and there will be no solution as the narcissist does not want a solution anyway. That is the reason many say leave the narcissists and go no contact.

If you have not done anything wrong, why should you run away? If you do so, you will appear weak and the society thinks you ran away from your responsibilities as they might not know the reality. Even after escaping the narcissist, what is the guarantee that you won't get caught with another narcissist? If so, will you run away again?

It is not you who should be running away anyway. It is supposed to be the other party. I say don't go anywhere. Instead make the narcissist run away from you. How? A three ponged strategy will help you.

1. Complete disengagement with narcissist: Avoid any kind of dependency from the narcissist. Physical needs, money matters, rare kind words all of them. Just stop interacting with him/her completely. Don't give any opportunity for them to directly approach you. If you have children, then keep the matters restricted, have someone in between while interacting.

2. Do what the narcissist told you NOT to do: Do those things exactly what the narcissist restricted you from not doing. Go out and meet your friends. Restart your hobbies. Get into good shape physically. Do things you enjoy. Spend money on things you like. You don't have to please narcissist anymore.

3. Be prepared to fight: The fights could be legal, mind games or physical. Take legal help and have your documents ready in case of a legal fight. If they are playing mind games, ensure narcissists and their flying monkeys get trapped in their own games. If it comes to physical fights, you should be ready to do the maximum damage to your opposite party. I am sorry, all of these will make you an insensitive person but that is the point. Don't just warn them rather be offensive and do some significant damage. Unless you show them that you will give a brutal fight, they won't leave you. Be a nice person in your private life.  But not with narcissists and their supporters. Showing weakness attracts them. Punching them on face, insulting them publicly discourages them.

The first point makes you independent of narcissist. The second ensures you have taken back the control of your life. Third is most important. It will not only discourage the current narcissist. It also ensures new narcissists won't enter your life.

No contact is not an ideal solution all the times. Rather work on your weaknesses and put narcissists in their place. They are unlikely to change but they will stop bothering you and move on to a weaker target. Narcissist was a God send in your life to show your weaknesses. Once you have overcome them, narcissist and psychopaths are not a trouble for you anymore.

ತೋಳ ಬಂತು ತೋಳ

ಕುರಿ ಕಾಯಲು ಬಂದ ಹುಡುಗನಿಗೆ ಕುತೂಹಲ. ತೋಳ ಬಂದರೆ ಜನ ಸಹಾಯಕ್ಕೆ ಬರುವರೇ? ದೊಡ್ಡ ದನಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕೂಗಿಯೇ ಬಿಟ್ಟ 'ತೋಳ, ತೋಳ, ತೋಳ'. ಕೇಳಿಸಿಕೊಂಡ ಜನ ಸಹಾಯಕ್ಕೆ ಧಾವಿಸಿದರು. ಆದರೆ ಅದು ತಮಾಷೆಗೆ ಮಾಡಿದ್ದು ಎಂದು ಗೊತ್ತಾದಾಗ ಜನ ಆ ಹುಡುಗನನ್ನು ಬೈದುಕೊಂಡು ಹಿಂತಿರುಗಿದರು.

ಆದರೆ ಒಂದು ದಿನ ತೋಳ ಬಂದೇ ಬಿಟ್ಟಿತು. ಅವನು ಸಹಾಯಕ್ಕೆ ಕೂಗಿಕೊಂಡ. ಆದರೆ ಹುಡುಗನ ಧ್ವನಿಯನ್ನು ಗುರುತಿಸಿದ ಜನ ಅವನನ್ನು ಉಪೇಕ್ಷಿಸಿದರು. 

ಆ ಹುಡುಗ ಸಂಜೆಯಾದರೂ ಮನೆಗೆ ಬರೆದದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ ಅವನ ಅಜ್ಜ ಅವನನ್ನು ಹುಡುಕಿಕೊಂಡು ಬಂದ. ತೋಳ ಒಂದು ಕುರಿಯನ್ನು ಎತ್ತಿಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗಿತ್ತು. ಉಳಿದವುಗಳು ಚೆಲ್ಲಾಪಿಲ್ಲಿಯಾಗಿದ್ದವು. ತಾತ ಮೊಮ್ಮಗನ ಹೆಗಲ ಮೇಲೆ ಕೈ ಹಾಕಿ ಮನೆಗೆ ಕರೆದುಕೊಂಡು ಹೊರಟ. ದಾರಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಮೊಮ್ಮಗ ಕೇಳಿದ 'ನಾನು ಮಾಡಿದ ತಪ್ಪು ಏನು?'

ತಾತ ಸಮಾಧಾನದಿಂದ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ: 'ಸುಳ್ಳುಗಾರರನ್ನು ಜನ ನಂಬುವುದಿಲ್ಲ'

ಕಥೆ ಹಳೆಯದಾದರೂ ಪುನರಾವರ್ತನೆ ಆಗುತ್ತಲೇ ಇರುತ್ತದೆ. ಏಕೆಂದರೆ ಮೊದಲ ಸಲ (ಅಥವಾ ಮೋಸ ಹೋಗುವುವರೆಗೆ) ಜನ ಸುಳ್ಳುಗಾರರನ್ನು ನಂಬುತ್ತಾರೆ. ಮತ್ತು ಅದರ ಉಪಯೋಗ ಪಡೆದುಕೊಂಡು ಸುಳ್ಳುಗಾರರು ಹೊಸ ಜನರನ್ನು ಹುಡುಕಿಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗುತ್ತಾರೆ. ನಿಜವಾಗಿ ತೋಳ ಬಂದಾಗ ಸುಳ್ಳುಗಾರನ ಕಥೆ ಮುಗಿಯುತ್ತದೆ. ಮತ್ತೆ ಹೊಸ ಸುಳ್ಳುಗಾರ ಹುಟ್ಟಿಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಾನೆ. ಕಥೆ ಪುನರಾವರ್ತನೆ ಆಗುತ್ತಲೇ ಹೋಗುತ್ತದೆ.

ಮನುಷ್ಯ ಮನುಷ್ಯನನ್ನು ನಂಬುತ್ತಾನೆ. ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಮನುಷ್ಯ ಮನುಷ್ಯನಿಗೆ ಮೋಸ ಮಾಡಲು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. ತೋಳನೆಂಬ ವಿಧಿ ಇದನ್ನು ಸಮತೋಲನ ಮಾಡಲು ತಡವಾಗಿ ಆದರೂ ಬಂದೇ ಬರುತ್ತಾನೆ.